We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
