I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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