i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
