my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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