So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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