i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
