It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
