you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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