Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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