btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
