I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
