he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
