My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
