I think I died a long time ago.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You've changed since you got that strap on
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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