I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
