i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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