Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
