I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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