He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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