ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
