Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
