Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
