i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize