Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
