Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
