I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
