3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
