I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
