butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
