Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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