the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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