I smell stomach acid.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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