guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
