hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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