i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
