this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
