she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
