you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
