Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i think i have two assholes
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
