forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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