I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
