saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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