Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
