Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
