I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
