We're facebook friends in real life
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
