Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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