it was like his penis was on wheels.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
