hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
