When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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