Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
