she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
