I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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