You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize