There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
