You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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