I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
