So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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