So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
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