a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Randomize
