i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
