she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
