I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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