I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
