so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
